Proactive Parents of Teens Increase the Likelihood of Academic Success

Today's society is so busy and demanding, and even more so for parents of teenagers. Balancing time with church, family, organizations, your teen's sports/activities, and your career keep your days overflowing. Just catching your breath after a long day seems to take priority most days. Because most of your evenings are very similar to this description, communication with your teen's teacher(s) tend to take a back seat on your priority list as the school year progresses. After all, it is time that your teen take more responsibility for their education, right?

After the first few weeks of school and the Back-to-School Night visit, most parents' questions concerning the teen's teacher(s), homework, and learning experience begin to wane to an occasional brief question, perhaps to once or twice a week. Parents, whose child generally succeed in the classroom, often fall into the assumption that things are okay until they receive a shocking revelation from the child's teacher via phone call,  report card, email, or parent-teacher conference that their child has drifted from the expected course of performance.

Most parents react in a flustered manner, very similar to the reaction seen when a major water pipe leak has sprung, grappling to find out where the communication and the connection broke down. The questions gush from every direction...Well, didn't you write down your homework assignment and the due date? Didn't I tell you to ignore those kids who don't mean you any good? Why didn't you ask for help? Why didn't you tell me you needed poster board for a project? Didn't I tell you not to wait until the last minute?!? Why didn't you put your homework in your book bag last night like I told you to? And, to irritate you to no end, your teen stands there with either apathy, dozens of transparent excuses, or a facial expression that indicate their prayer to be miles away from the situation at hand.

Let's face it! Teens usually manipulate their parents by only feeding them certain aspects of their educational experience that benefit them at the moment. Therefore, parents get a skewed impression of what is happening, even in the best possible scenario. So, how do you maintain a healthy line of communication with your teen's teachers while requiring your teen to take more ownership of his or her educational experience? Instead of "smothering mother," think: "big brother." Here are some steps you could take:
1. Be clear (in your own special way) with your teen, before the school year begins, that you will obtain and maintain good communication with his or her teachers.
2. Make a point to communicate to your teen's teacher by the end of the second day of school if your teen has any medical condition or traumatic condition that may impair his or her ability to perform or behave in the classroom. Waiting until a major incident occurs before sharing this information is not a good idea.

3. Attend the parent-student school orientation and make the effort to meet your teen's teachers. A simple handshake, smile, and brief introduction will do. This immediately signals teachers that you are concerned and supportive of what they are trying to accomplish in the classroom.

4. Be sure to attend at least the first parent-teacher conference of the school year. Again, this signals to teachers that you are concerned and supportive.
5. Create a routine for teacher communication (i.e. establish one day every two weeks and the time when you will monitor your teen's progress and contact teachers, if necessary). With so many lines of communication offered online (i.e. email, class/school websites, text messages, blogs, etc) you should never be surprised about your teen's academic progress.
6. Talk to your teen regularly about their assignments, due dates, and their learning experience.
7. Keep a small notebook to log communication with your teen's teachers. Create a chart that includes the date, time, method of communication (i.e. email, phone, conference), topic discussed, and the resolve/outcome. This will help you identify patterns of your teen's behavior.
8. Write down all avenues of communication made available to you (i.e. contact names, emails, class websites, etc) and place them near or on your home phone, cell phone, and home computer for easy access.
9. Ensure that you have access to any online attendance and grade books your teacher or school may offer and check them often. If you have questions about attendance, low grades, or missing grades throughout the school year, contact the teacher immediately via email or via phone during the teacher's planning period. Remember, waiting until report cards are issued to assess your child's progress is reactive.
10. Most importantly, establish and enforce clear and consistent consequences at home for your teen should they demonstrate irresponsibility or their grades drop unnecessarily.

Establishing a foundation for positive and frequent communication with your teen's teachers throughout the school year yields academic success while teaching your teen that they are ultimately responsible for their learning experience.
~ LaNora M. James, Ed.D.