We all have pet peeves...you know...those things that really get under our skin and cause us to cry out in mental anguish when we are subjected to waterdrop-torture situations. Ah, yes! Well, here's one particular pet peeve of mine: one-sided conversations (i.e. personal soliliquies or filibusters).
Have you ever been accosted by a person who just wanted to hear themselves talk during every encounter with them? It is one of the most annoying things to endure. Perhaps that is why most people avoid telemarketer calls...they are one-sided. Telemarketers have been trained to get their message across no matter how many times you say "no, thanks" "I'm not interested," etc. The only way to get your point across is either to be "vile" or hang up the phone. Your blood pressure rises and you're left agitated that the other person refused to pick up on verbal cues, blatant statements, and you feel that the only thing that person wanted to do was to really get their point across. They could not have cared less who you were, how you felt at that moment, or how they interrupted your day. Can you relate?!?
Well, there are individuals in our lives who operate very similar to telemarketers. The difference between them and telemarketers is that it is often much harder to dismiss these individuals in our lives with whom we have emotional, social, and professional attachments as swiftly as we are able to dismiss anonymous telemarketers.
So what exactly do these emotional, social, and professional telemarketers do that is annoying?
1) Their agenda is to let you and everybody know (in detail) how they are feeling or about their personal experience.
2) They are competitive...constantly trying to be on top, no matter how trivial the topic of conversation may be. If they can't be on top, they will talk about someone they know who is.
3) Their body language show that they are not listening to what you are saying. They cannot wait until you are done so that they can tell you what else is on their mind.
4) They chronically interrupt you in mid-sentence (should you get a word in edgewise) to insert their ideas or to deal with background noises/situations.
5) They manipulate the conversation by trying to relate what you are saying to something on their mind that is actually unrelated. (i.e. changing the topic)
6) The question: "How've you been?" is hastily sandwiched between their account of their day and other events, not even giving you much of an opportunity to respond. Should you attempt a response, you will be promptly interrupted while they deal with background distractions.
7) It never occurs to them to show genuine interest in what you are doing unless they are somehow directly involved.
While we all have our moments of just needing to talk to someone and "let it all out," these offenders can be counted on to exhibit these behaviors consistently and without fail. What's worse is that you may walk away feeling like you were unimportant, rejected, ignored...and disrepected.
Tips to Avoid "Telemarketer Behavior":
1. Everyone should be mindful that conversations should have an ebb and flow. Restrain your "juicy tidbits of information" and allow the other person to interact.
2. Stop and ask how the other person is doing...and...actually listen for and to their response. This lets them know that you are genuinely interested and concerned about them as an individual.
3. Notice the individual's body language and tone of voice and adjust the conversation accordingly. These subtle and not-so-subtle cues were purposed to help with the ebb/flow or stoppage of the conversation. Pay attention!
Being mindful of and implementing these conversation suggestions may help in building relationship with others. Who knows? They might just have a hilarious story to tell you that will give you belly-laughs for the rest of the day or volunteer information that will help you along the way.
Listening is actually a ministry. Are you aware of that? It is! Listening is often the only and best thing you can offer a person...it is as effective emotionally as giving a back massage physically. Listening also gives you the tools you need to further develop a genuine relationship with an individual. When a person doesn't listen to another person, they are actually saying: "I have no interest in you." "You are not important to me." " I am not interested in any type of relationship with you." " I am only interested in and concerned about my affairs.
Here are some ways to improve your listening ministry:
Here are some ways to improve your listening ministry:
1. Make regular eye contact when the other person is speaking.
2. Occasionally acknowledge your understanding of what the person is saying by nodding, an "unh uh" or asking a question.
3. Avoid interrupting unless absolutely necessary...and do so kindly.
4. Show sympathy/empathy/understanding/concern in your facial expression.
5. Ask open-ended questions to indicate that you really expect more than a simple "yes" or "no" response.
Building relationships with others is one of the most important things that we must do. Being an emotional, social, or professional "telemarketer" can inhibit your success in relating with others. Being aware of ourselves in this regard and the effects on others can in turn inspire others to inward reflection and development as well.
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